i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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