and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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