I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
