U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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