im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
