Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
