after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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