john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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