well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize