Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
