taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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