I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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