Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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