oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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