You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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