um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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