I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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