Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch