I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels