Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.