apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?