If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.