I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"