There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
