You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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