It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize