Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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