I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
