I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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