dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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