The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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