I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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