That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
