Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
