I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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