There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize