Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't deserve a penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They took my balls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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