I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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