I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
