I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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