I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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