Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
