Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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