I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
