I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize