you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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