I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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