You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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