im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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