just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
