can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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