Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize