I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
