allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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