oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
